The Colour of Sin
by Niki Chidon
Summary: Baron von Glower thinks about Gabriel over their meetings, from the first to the last. As homoerotic as the original game.


Disclaimer: With a deep sigh I admit that I own nothing. Jane Jensen wrote the story I'm abusing. Dialogue straight from the novelisation.

Warnings: Spoilers! Does not make much sense unless you remember the original story well. Canon, so Friedrich does die.

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The Colour of Sin

by Niki

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I do not know what possessed me to pull Byron's collected works from my bookshelf that day but it was Childe Harold's Pilgrimage I was reading the moment Gabriel was announced.

_V_

_For he through Sin's long laby-_

_rinth had run,_

_Nor made atonement when he_

_did amiss,_

_Had sigh'd to many though he_

_loved but one,_

_And that loved one, alas! could_

_ne'er be his._

--

"Gabriel!"

While I asked him to sit I thought of the passage, and how appropriate it seemed... and I remembered how it went on, too. That it is good that the loved one has been safe from the sinner who could bring them no good, and would leave for another.

Would I? Could I?

Our time together is torture and pleasure. He's interrogating me – masked as conversation of course, and I am him. Although my own motives are more purely for the enjoyment of getting to know him.

I know what he is, of course. From the moment I heard the name Ritter I knew. His presence at the Club was not a coincidence. I had half-formed ideas about finding out how much he knew, how he had found us... but all my motives were changed the moment I met his eyes.

Beautiful.

Gabriel, like the angel.

There was no recognition in his eyes for me. How much did he know? What clues had led him to me, to us? Was it von Zell he was after, or me? And did he know it himself?

When I asked about his hunting his reply nearly made me laugh out loud: "Sure, I hunt. You might say it's a family tradition."

Witty, this Shadow Hunter. He is a hunter, and I am his prey. Does he know it? I don't think so. How can someone so worldly, so tough, so macho be so innocent? Surely he should sense something of my nature due to his nature?

I roll the thought in my head. His prey. It has been so long... I have been the hunter so long I have quite forgotten the thrill of the chase from the other point of view.

Like the angel. With a flaming sword, banishing me from Paradise? Garr has long since stopped being a paradise. My hunger for him has been replaced – just a glimpse of the Schattenjäger and I am bewitched.

It is dangerous to allow him in, madness – how much does he know? How did he find us? I could tell myself I was only leading him in because I wanted answers for these questions but I would be lying to myself, and that is something I try to avoid. I was fascinated. His annoying American voice, the way he stretches his words, the role of the ignorant yank (it must be a role, he is a Schattenjäger)... it should irritate me but despite all this, I am enchanted.

His innocence paved the way, the men took him in. They only see the fool but I see through the play-acting. Dangerous, this hunter. Dangerous, because you confuse him with the prey.

I gave him my card knowing he would appear sooner or later, and now he is here. In my home.

We share wine and stories, and he makes me talk about the philosophy behind the club. Oh, how passionate I can get about that but I don't frighten him. I can see the answering fire in his eyes – he does understand!

I am so wrapped in him I have almost forgotten why he is here. That is why his sudden question about the Black Wolf affects me so. I had not expected that, this was about Garr after all. I dodge his question but am not sure if he believes my innocent reply.

It is like ripping a part of me off to let him go. He will be back. That is my only consolation. Tonight. I will see him again tonight.

I let Gunter lead him out and return to my book but I cannot concentrate. Black Wolf. Ludvig. I do not want to remember him know. That – him – is ancient history. Gabriel is the present and the future. He is the only one I want to think about.

I should have him for dinner.

The scene at club affects me less than it should. My open dismissal of Garr in front of the other men must make them wonder. "You dont care." His accusation, and realisation. No, I do not care. Gabriel can sniff around as much as he wishes. I'm planning to guide him so that he will find the killer – you – and kill you. I cannot do that myself. But you are sick, and dangerous, and must be dealt with. Oh Garr, once I thought you could be what I needed.

But now... Gabriel will be all that you could not.

And he is coming to dinner. I tell the chef to take extra care, and choose the wine myself. I should be more upset about the scene with Garr. But all I can feel is the exhilarating expectation of the night ahead.

I entertain Gabriel with stories from my travels and keep the wine flowing. He is truly relaxed, and a joy to behold.

Did I plan to give him Detta for the night? I might have... forgotten she'd mentioned she might stop by. But after hours of Gabriel's company, her sitting on my lap cannot interest me. So I give Gabriel what his body so obviously craves. Alas, he is not ready to be offered that from me.

To see him with Detta is torture. And yet it is not. My gift for him. Sensual being that he is, this small sin is accepted.

Much later, I kiss her as she leaves, on her mouth, exploring the taste of my Angel on her. I am nearly overcome with desire to posses her, to eat her, to scent him all over her body... I let her leave, and enter the room where my would-be hunter is falling asleep. My prey.

The talisman of his family. It should repel me, like the thing of darkness that I am. It does not. I wonder briefly why that is. Then the smooth expanse of his light skin catches my eye.

He is lovely. The desire to possess him is nearly overwhelming. But it is more than that. More than desire for his attractive body. His fire would be match for mine, I am sure. His spirit would not lose its brightness. I want his mind keeping me company for years and years to come.

"Good night, my feline friend."

His acceptance of my presence is gratifying, even my touch on his face is accepted without reproof.

For the first time a thought enters my head. If this ends badly, if my death is all that I can offer him... I do not know that I would not give it willingly.

The thought returns when months pass and I receive no reply for my letter. If his freedom through my death is everything I can ever offer him... the emptiness in me might suggest I would just bare my throat for him.

I would kill for him, I nearly did... I came so close to killing Garr even though I knew it would mean my own death as well. Would I roll over and die for him? Is this what love is?

Even with Ludvig all I really thought about was what having him in my life would mean. What I could offer him. Did I ever pause to think whether he should want the things I offered?

My angel...

He must be suffering so much now, and I cannot be there for him.

Byron's lines return to my mind as I stalk Gabriel in the basement... the endless rooms feel like a labyrinth. "For he through Sin's long labyrinth had run, Nor made atonement when he did amiss, Had sigh'd to many though he loved but one, And that loved one, alas! Could ne'er be his."

And that loved one could never be his. I howl inside my head. Either he kills me or I cause his death, that is the only way this can end, now. And I find myself quite unable to consider hurting him. And it is not because of the relationship between the alpha and the beta, either. I just... I cannot bear the thought of a world without his bright presence, now that I have basked in its glory.

So I die, and let him be free. The only gift he will accept from me. Oh beloved, it would have been glorious, us together! But you must be the light, and hunt the shadows; and I must be the shadow, to the end.

But oh, to have seen him in his wolf form before I go! He is magnificent! His howl ripped my soul apart with its haunting beauty. If only he could have been my companion... but he cannot let go, he cannot fully embrace the beast within, he must be the reason, the order, the... the damned human.

Fire. I shall die by fire. How appropriate. No, I will not fight you, my angel. Have your mortality back, your precious humanity – your immortal soul unsullied. Be the creature of light I saw on that first day, fulfil a great destiny – let not this blood sacrifice be in vain.

I love you, my beautiful wolf. Goodbye.

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End file.
